I was 20 years old when I broke 100lbs for the first time, but I was aware of my body since middle school. As an 11 year old I heard people talk about how impossible women in magazines looked, how they had to be starving themselves to be so skinny. I learned how to get by being skinny. I learned to politely change the subject when people complained about their weight, if you tell them they look fine when you weigh 20-30 lbs less girls get angry. I learned I could not go to the bathroom at lunch, I should hold it till 4th period to avoid being accused of eating disorders. For years I ate PB&J sandwiches before bed, a 4th meal to help me gain weight. I knew that girls wanted to be thin, but if you were thin than you became the bad guy.
The media shaped my body image when I was young because of people's response to it. This told me that most girls who were thin were unhealthy. It told me that being thin meant I was trying to be popular, a "mean girl", to get boys to like me. Then when ads started playing to the other side I felt worse. Signs in Lane Bryant showed models twice my size that said "for real women." I was not a real woman, I was a fraction of a women, I was a girl.
One day I was at target with my sister, 4 years younger than me she was two inches taller and we weighed the same at the time. The woman checking us out grabbed my sister's wrist when she offered the cash for her purchase. "Well aren't you just the skinniest thing? There is just nothing to you!" My sister wrenched her hand back and said "Ya know if I was *expletive omitted* fat you wouldn't say a word about it!" I think that was when it occurred to me that just as its alright to be an average weight, its alright to be skinny too.
The media shaped my body image when I was young because of people's response to it. This told me that most girls who were thin were unhealthy. It told me that being thin meant I was trying to be popular, a "mean girl", to get boys to like me. Then when ads started playing to the other side I felt worse. Signs in Lane Bryant showed models twice my size that said "for real women." I was not a real woman, I was a fraction of a women, I was a girl.
One day I was at target with my sister, 4 years younger than me she was two inches taller and we weighed the same at the time. The woman checking us out grabbed my sister's wrist when she offered the cash for her purchase. "Well aren't you just the skinniest thing? There is just nothing to you!" My sister wrenched her hand back and said "Ya know if I was *expletive omitted* fat you wouldn't say a word about it!" I think that was when it occurred to me that just as its alright to be an average weight, its alright to be skinny too.
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